Our new chapter...

Tomorrow begins our foray into the wild, wonderful, unsocialized and unpredictable world of homeschooling. I am still nervous, still not sure and still completely psyched about starting this particular adventure. I have been pushing the idea of homeschooling at Chas for two years and after the debacle of last year, he has finally relented and allowed us the attempt. But, I am of course petrified as to whether or not this was the right decision for us. I keep wondering if I've bitten off more than I can chew with this wily little man and his conniving ways. In one view I picture him diligently working and learning, head over a book, smiling as he reads well above grade level and enjoying working at his own pace. In another vision I see him in his pajamas, watching ESPN and whining about not having another piece of candy or playing xBox. I guess either scenario could play out, depending on me.

I really, really, really want this to work for our family. I want to educate my kids in the best environment. One without distractions and annoyances from others who care little for their education and one without the disappointments of failed expectations. But, I worry that I'm passing on my distrust of school and discomfort with others onto him. Then I worry what happens if I'm right. See...never ending cycle of doubt! Either way, for better or worse, we are now homeschoolers. We're going to give this our best shot and see how it works. Hopefully we'll fall into a comfortable routine that falls somewhere between the vision of the gifted geek and the grouchy couch lizard!

Tea is delicious...

So, I am trying to get some energy boost mechanism that isn't going to make my stomach revolt in unhappy fashion, so I am on the tea bandwagon again. I am currently trying to banish my chest cold with a cup of English Breakfast with milk and agava. It's doing the trick, I must say, but I do need to branch out.

Kiddos are getting split today. Chas is venturing out with Caroline to a draft and I've got Aidyn for a birthday party. Fun Saturday, right?

Yeah...and that too!

I'm peaking at 31. Or rather, at 31, I realize I've already reached my peak. It's downhill from here, ladies and gents. On the road to rot and ruin, that is. My hair is turning gray faster than I can keep it dyed, my propensity toward hot foods leads on to heartburn and unrest and most annoyingly, functioning without a nap is daily torture. It's safe to say that Miss Clairol and Tums can help, but the nap thing...that, my friends, isn't getting any more likely to improve. Gone are the days when you could snuggle up and cuddle under the covers. Now, I worry whether or not the doors are locked, nothing is on the stove or if the kids are covered up and settled down. Then thoughts drift to the need to change the sheets to get rid of the crumbs from the kids having breakfast in my bed, the need for new detergent, the drum not spinning right on the washer...you see where this is going, right? Nap time dwindles away and kiddos wake up, leaving me drained and filled with another list of tasks to accomplish.

I think what I need to a regime again, a set of accomplishments for each day, a chore chart, per se. Then, I need someone to do it all for me. For my birthday, perhaps? Well, I didn't think so, but it was worth a try :) Now we're off to football practice for the boy...homeschool officially starts on Monday!

Well behaved women seldom make history...

Laurel Thatcher Ulrich was right...and apparently was thinking about my daughter when she penned that phrase 20-some odd years ago. (Because what else could she possibly have been writing about? Puritan women and family rituals? Pish posh!) My dearest Diva is taking that phrase to heart, with a vengeance. This child of mine will someday change the world, for better or worse :) She has, without question, already changed ours. One short year ago, after five long years of hoping and trying and waiting, my Kathryn Caroline entered the world in dramatic fashion. Even birth had to be an event for this girlie :) She has since been the light of our days (and the reason for all of our sleepless nights). From the moment she arrived on the scene, she has been one of those souls that command the attention of all who encounter her. She is decidedly fickle about those she loves and taunting and coy with those she wants to love her. Someday this blue-eyed, blond-ringleted fiery fairy child will break hearts, of this I am sure.

I sit here, early in the morning, unable to sleep. My sweet Caroline, darlingest of demanding darlings, has once again woken up the household and made it impossible for me to get back to sleep. She has definitely lived up to her nickname, and Diva she will remain for years to come. She has a way about her that makes you always want to come back for more...hoping this time will be the time that she gives you that smile and her heart. But of course, she simply gives you that little look that says "I love you, dear one, but not as much as you love me" and makes you come back for more. My birthday girl has more personality than most people I know, and far more flair for daring and drama than I myself can command.

Did you ever picture yourself as a certain person, in college, perhaps? I always thought of myself as a bit of a feminist, an individualist, a person with all the answers in the world under my brilliant head of curls? When I look at Caroline, I realize she already is the person I thought I was years ago. She has already accomplished in one year what many women search a lifetime for...she has found self-confidence and a love for her own soul. This is one woman who will not follow the crowds, but instead will be leading the pack. Of this, I am certain.

Many, or any, who read this will think to themselves that this the romanticized dribble of an overindulgent momma who dotes too much on her children. And those people are undoubtedly correct in their assumption :) But for those that know my Cara, you will see a glimmer of truth in my ramblings and hopefully say a prayer in your hearts for her continued health and well being.

Happy Birthday, wee sweet one. You are loved.